This was a most interesting songwriting experience. I've heard melody lines in my head before that I have to figure out using my guitar, playing chords underneath and piecing notes and phrases together. This is the first time that I've ever had to practice a guitar part I hear but can't yet play. So, this song has been months in the making...I just couldn't play parts of it in order to finish it!
The first line that came to me was, "Here is where the chapter pauses." Hence, the title. But, you may be wondering what it means. This life is so unpredictable, but I think that because in our first world lifestyles, life can become routine, we begin to think it is predictable. Even more so, I begin to think that I know how my life should go and what God should do for me. How incorrect is this! I'm hoping I'm getting less prideful as I get older, but I still think that I expect God's blessings to me to come in certain forms. Then, when life doesn't quite look like I think it should, I'm thrown for a loop, and have to eat my humble pie again. Now, nothing really crazy has happened this year. But, as a 32 year old single person, I realize that I've been blessed with so many close friends, but walks of life bring certain friends in and out of the closeness of my circle. This year, I realized that several of my close friends will be, most likely, or definitely, pulled in different directions. What effect this will have on our friendship, I'm not sure. I'm confident I will still remain close to all of them, it just may not look quite the same. As I began to wrestle with this, it became clear that sometimes we sense a change in the tide. Hopefully I'm not the only one who feels this. So, this, in this song, is what I refer to as the "chapter pause." When you know that life will change, and you are unsure how to react to it. Because it may be both joyful and sorrowful at the same time.
However, as a good friend of mine and I discussed over a great meal at Christmastime, God is our only true and greatest fulfillment. The rest of life may be His blessings that can still give us great joy. But, only He can satisfy us, and to give us anything but Himself to do so would be unloving, as he knows He is the Provider, Sustainer, and Lover of our souls. And I have the desire to trust Him as such, even though I'm often pulled in other directions.
So, this is my heart's reflection on this. And it is truly a ballad (which is pretty rare for me). Enjoy!
Sojourner that's tempted to stay
Resolve that’s inclined to break
Oh, that’d be me
This season warns of a change
I long for the warmth to remain
Yes, that’d be me
But am I willing to see differently?
Here is where the chapter pauses
Here is where I can be honest
About the struggle that’s never far from me
Your promises are already true
And every need I’ve found met in You
Still I withhold surrender
As if You were the lesser thing
A word catches me by surprise
And I think my whole world will capsize
Oh, that’d be me
Haven’t grown out of naivety
That I can know where life leads
Yes, that’d be me
But can I concede willingly?
I’ll never be whole
I’ll never have all I want
Until all that I want is You
This is Your love
That won’t let me find myself
Until I am found in You
Bring me to surrender
All that is now a lesser thing
My name is complicated. My parents named me Theresa. My friends call me "Pinky." My professional title is "Ms. Lindell." Choose one.